Step 2: Getting Clear on What You Want Out of a Relationship
Far too often I ask people "Well what exactly are you looking for in a relationship?" I get the ever so daft response of "I duno". Not knowing what you want out of a relationship is like ordering a pizza and not telling the waitress what you'd like on it, and if that is the case chances are you are going to be disappointed. Listen if you only did one thing and that was make absolutely clear of what type of experience or result you wanted do you think your quality of relationships would increase? You bet cha!
Step 3: First Date Syndrome
Now there is a disorder that the drug companies have not made an inhaler or pill for yet. The disorder is called First date syndrome and I believe to some extend or another we have all suffered or will suffer from it at some point.
Example: you are out on a date or want to make a great first impression so you put each and everyone of your good qualities out there, maybe even fake a few. The result? You make an exceedingly powerful mark on the person or persons.
Now your in trouble, why? Because the person who you portrayed is not an accurate representation of who you are and the more comfortable you become with that person/persons the less you feel like you have to put on a show, then WHAMMO! Now all of the sudden they expect all the amazing and great things you showed them in the beginning and you cant produce because it is not really who you are. Short of the long, be 100% of yourself all of the time and you will disappoint and be disappointed far less.
Step 4: Filling the Void With Air
Now this step becomes very much about self improvement more than anything else and you will see why. When its not people telling me that they do not know what it is that they are looking for the next great blunder I hear about is how they are in a relationship but are unhappy. A large percent of the time these people are upset because they go into a relationship looking for the other person to fill some need for them. The problem is there are certain aspects that no other person can fill for you. Example if you want to be in a relationship because you are looking for more respect ask the question, is it more self-respect I need? No matter how many people you are in a relationship with or how much they may be able to love you they can never fill the integral self respect that has to be built by the individual. Otherwise you are filling the void with air.
Step 5: The 50/50 Trap
Another pit fall that many of us find our self's having to crawl out of is what I call the 50/50 trap. See people are funny creatures they are motivated out of very simple ideals. They want to be more happy or want to avoid being sad or feeling pain. I mean honestly if you were to group all the emotions you can name chances are they would fall into one of two groups, happy or sad. That being said we all get excited and electric about getting into a relationship yet with have this deep seeded fear that one day we may get our hearts broken. It is a type of approach avoidance we want all the benefits of a relationship but we are not willing to commit 100% because of the impending danger. So we throw our the classic line "I will meet them half way." Avoid going half way and try to give it your best, you will see your relationships soar!
I hope you enjoyed this article. I know that if you use the information here you will increase the quality of your relationships in a big way. Kept in mind I always tell people I am my biggest testimonial and if I can do it I know you can too. Until the next time my friends live like a champion!
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Shannon Graham is a professional life coach that works with people to help them reach higher levels of confidence and empowerment. At only 25 years old he has been studying success principles and personal improvement strategies for over a decade. For more information visit:
http://www.success4rlife.com
